


Hurt Me, So I Can't Hurt Them Anymore

by DevilsgotStories



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Keith is tortured, M/M, NO DEATH, Physical Abuse, Season 4 Spoilers, eventual klance kind of, it goes into detail, kind of, lotor and Keith are kind of friends, rescue eventually, the BOM is mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-02-08 21:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12872970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilsgotStories/pseuds/DevilsgotStories
Summary: After the battle with Haggar and Lotor's surprise last second appearance, Keith is so caught up in his head he gets caught on a mission, and he get's left.  Haggar has her questions for him, and she's got different ways to get the answers out.  Keith isn't sure what's worse, her words, or the physical pain.  All he knows for certain is he wants the pain to stop.  What he's not certain about is if he wants it to stop forever, I mean after all...that would be easier wouldn't it?(First chapter is very graphic with it's descriptions, please do not read if it will bother you, later chapters will deal heavily with ptsd/depression and trust issues, you have been warned)





	1. You fight like a galra

**Author's Note:**

> This is very angsty, and will probably have a kind of happy ending but there will be graphic depictions of violence, emotional abuse, depression and ptsd. There won't be a main character death, but there will be close calls. There will also be a lot of self hatred spoken or thought about in this. If you do not like this story because of those things, or you feel like this might bother you or trigger you DO. NOT. READ. If you comment on this story complaining or saying these things affected you negatively in any extreme way you will be ignored. You have been warned.

Keith panted softly.  He was covered in a layer of sweat, his marmora suit pulled off of his arms and torso, dangling around his hips.  His arms were stretched out to his sides, held by chains, feet strapped down.  He was pressed against a table like thing, it tilted so he was mostly upright but just at an angle so it was like he was leaning against it, though if he was released from his bonds he would probably collapse.  

 

“I tire of your insolence, now tell us, where is Voltron hiding out?” Haggar asked and Keith slowly picked up his head, looking at the mad Altean.  

 

“Vol-Voltron doesn’t need to hide out.  They’ll kick your ass, and Zarkons ass, Shiro’s gonna bitch slap you with your own creation,” Keith wheezed.  There was a hum from Hagger and a second later pain shot through Keith.  He arched his back high, gritting his teeth to muffle his scream. The pain stopped and Keith sagged, his body throbbing.  

 

“If you will not tell us, then we’ll just have Voltron come to save you,” Haggar growled and Keith barely registered a floating droid, the evil version of Rover.  Keith couldn’t help but to let out a chuckle.

 

“You can try, but they won’t come,” He said, his hearing going in and out.  He thought Haggar had said something to one of the people working on the space equivalent of computers.

 

“ _ You _ are Voltron’s Red Paladin, and you piloted the Black Lion for a time.  When the Red lion or black lion senses your distress she will come for you, and the others will follow,” Haggar said and a humorless laugh escaped Keith. He tilted his head back, eyeing the witch through his right eye since the left had he been sliced in his capture, a long ugly wound going from just above his brow, down his eye and stopped even with the end of his nose.

 

“I left Voltron.  Shiro is piloting the black lion again, like he should...and Lance...Lance is the Red Paladin now,” Keith said, though the words left a nasty taste on his tongue.  His heart ached as he said it out loud.  

 

“One does not simply  _ leave _ Voltron,” Haggar hissed and Keith let out a shaky breath. 

 

“Well I did.  It wasn’t hard...they were fed up with me anyway.  It was only a matter of time before they kicked me out,” Keith said, trying to convince Haggar that the paladins and Alteans didn’t care for him.  It wasn’t that hard to sound convincing, since it was the truth.  She gave him a suspicious look.  

 

“What do you mean?”  She asked and Keith took a shaky breath, shaking his head.  

 

“I was never meant to be a paladin.  The only reason Lance didn’t pilot red to begin with was because Blue had already chosen him.  I had to nearly die for Red to accept me.  And Black accepted me only because Shiro was gone.  Even then, the team hated having me as their leader.  When Shiro came back I knew he needed to take back leadership.  It was better for them,” Keith said and Haggar narrowed her eyes.  

 

“Go on,” she said and Keith shuddered again. If this was keeping the pain off then he’d try and keep it up.  

 

“I was accepted into the Blades of Marmora...I trained with them.  I thought it would make me a better paladin to have different experiences and learn new ways of thinking.  I was...wrong.  I failed the team...over and over.  I almost got them killed, so many times.  We grew apart, they weren’t seeing the amount of death I was, first hand.  They weren’t losing people like I was.  And yet-” he let out a bitter laugh, “I was still talked down too, still treated like the fuck up I am, like I didn’t have anything else on my mind.  But you know what?  We’re at war...I understand.  I was crippling them...and eventually I wasn’t worth the burden.”  Keith sucked in a shaky breath, shaking his head, trying to fight up the tears welling up in his good eye.  He sucked in another breath through his nose, trying not to sniffle.  “I told them I was going on a mission...a long mission...and they...I could see the relief in some of their eyes.  They embraced me, they wished me well, and they didn’t ask me to stay,” Keith said and Haggar was silent for a moment before speaking again.  

 

“Weakness is a disease, better to cut it off at the source than to let it spread,” she rasped and Keith tried not to flinch.  “They were right to let you leave, though they should have killed you.  And when we captured you, the Blades should have killed you instead of leaving you injured, to be left to be questioned,” she said and Keith snorted, sending Haggar a shit eating smirk.  

 

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but the only thing you’ve got is a worthless nuisance, dead weight.  You’re not getting a thing out of me,” he said and Haggar stepped forward.  

 

“You are much more than that, former Paladin Keith.  You are what will lead to the downfall of Voltron and the resistance.  Despite being abandoned by those you thought had cared for you...despite being the reason your comrades almost died.  Despite being turned on and hated, outcasted and unloved,” she said and Keith’s breath was starting to pick up, panic slowly starting to rise up in him as she hit his sensitive spots.  “Despite being disowned by the small amount of people who ever showed you care or made you feel like you belonged.  You can still offer what I need.  You will turn against them, and fight for Zarkon.  Once the ships that the exiled Prince Lotor are captured, you will fly them under the Empire’s flag,” She said and Keith shook his head as quickly as he could.  

 

“Never,” he breathed before letting out a surprised shriek as pain jolted through him.  

 

“They abandoned you!  As soon as they found out you were galra they looked at you like you were different, like you were going to turn on them.  You’ve never fit in with the humans.  They’ve never done anything for you, never given you anything except for distrust, pain and hatred.  You’ve been abandoned by everyone, every time you thought you could trust them they turned out exactly like you feared!  I’ve seen your memories when we probed your mind.  I saw the human that we knew as Champion, and you knew as Takeshi Shirogane.  You loved him once, and then he LEFT you, and when you got him back he gave you the cold shoulder. He didn’t care for you and turned his back on you the second he set eyes on the princess!”  She spat, circling the table he was strapped too.  Keith squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry.  He shook his head.  

 

“He...he didn’t leave-” he cut himself off with a cry as pain shot through him again, causing him to arch his back.  

 

“He left you, and you accepted that, accepting him as a brother.  You loved him like family, and what did he do?  He dismissed you, he treated you like some cadet he’d just met, oh the agony you felt when you joined the Blade of Marmora, trying to search for your roots.  You just wanted to help your team but instead of understanding, the Champion turned on you, arguing with you, confusing your team, confusing you.  Behind closed doors Champion yelled at you, belittled you, dismissed you as if you were a child who stayed out past curfew,” she hissed and Keith let out a ragged sob as the pain stopped, causing him to sag against his restraints.  

 

“He’s not the only one though, is he?  The other humans never truly accepted you either.  You tried, oh you tried so hard.  But every time you were met with insults, with sneers and jokes.  They looked at you like you were an alien, and why wouldn’t they?  You WERE to them.  The Yellow Paladin gave you snark and was always uneasy around you, the Green Paladin never really liked having you around.  She wanted to be around her technology, and never had the patience to try and explain or help you understand, only snapping at you and mumbling to herself about how stupid you were.  The Alteans saw you as nothing but impulsive, a bad leader. They never respected you, or cared about you.  At least not until you trained non stop, until you could hardly move from over exertion, until you gave up on sleep to please them.  And even then, they never looked at you like you were worth ANYTHING once they knew what blood runs through your veins.  They may have smiled but you could see it in their eyes.  They were waiting for you to turn on them so they could throw you out of the airlock,”  She said and Keith let out a broken whimper.  

 

“That’s not...true...they-” hot, searing pain shot through him, feeling like someone had shot lightning through his body, causing his arms and muscles to spasm under the restraints, knees knocking together and legs thrashing as he let out a loud scream, his head being forced back, hitting the table hard.  It lasted longer than the ones before and for a second Keith thought he was actually melting on the inside.  Then the pain was gone, his body left shaking and throbbing.  His bones ached and his skin tingled, still feeling the aftershocks.  The hair on the back of his neck and his arms were standing straight up, the wound on his face was bleeding again, the blood mixing with the sweat that ran down his face, slow and thick.  It caused an itch and tickle, and if he were in any other situation Keith might have chuckled at how such a small itch could drive him even more insane the torture.  

 

“But that’s not it is it?”  Haggar asked, getting close to his shoulder from behind.  “You have a soft spot for the Blue Paladin, the one you call Lance,” Haggar hissed and Keith sucked in a shaky breath.  

 

“Don’t- don’t know what you’re talking ab-AUHG,” Keith cried out when when he felt her nails dig into his stomach.  

 

“Mm yes, you weren’t sure about him at first.  But over time you felt yourself falling, wanting to see his smile, chuckling at his jokes...and when you started to Pilot the Black lion…” She trailed off and Keith shuddered when he felt her whisper in his ear.  “You thought that he might have accepted you, that he cared for you as more than a teammate,” She pulled away a little and Keith swallowed hard.  “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?  Despite that exterior you just wanted someone to love you.  So when you realized that your teammate was capable, and that you had feelings for him you started exploring.  You let him get through to you, you comforted HIM.  You started to think he was the only one that actually understood, that could help you.  You loved him.”  She said it like it was a fact, a statement.  Keith just hung his head, tears stinging his still good eye.  He didn’t deny it, why would he when she already knew?  

 

Keith knew damn well that he loved Lance.  He had fallen slowly and unexpectedly.  They were at war, he wasn’t supposed to fall in love.  Let alone with a teammate.  When the other boy smiled or laughed Keith’s heart did flips and butterflies fluttered in his stomach.  When he would say his stupid pick up lines Keith could hardly stop the chuckle that would rise in him.  The soft looks they shared, the support the other gave, how excited he got when anything reminded him of home or when he was praised for something he had done well.  Yeah...Keith was smitten.  

 

“Or...am I correct to say you DO love him, currently?”  She pressed and Keith tried to shift, rolling his shoulders as much as he could.  He was sweating, his face wound bleeding along with the new wound on his stomach, panting because even though he wasn’t actively being hurt he couldn’t seem to catch his breath and expand his lungs as fully as he would like.  

 

“You’re in love with Lance, and when he doubted his place in Voltron, you offered to give up your own seat on the team.  As much as you love Red, as much as you hated seeing someone else fly her you bit your tongue because you wanted him to be happy, wanted him to see his own value,” she was talking fast again, overwhelming Keith’s ears.  The sound of her gritty rasp and the sound of his blood rushing through his ears.  “And just to make sure his place would never be questioned and he wouldn’t worry about it, you  _ left _ your team for him.  You left the only people you really ever cared about for him?”  And for what?  You were met with bitterness, hatred and rejection.  In trying to help your team, in trying to help HIM they left you!”  She yelled and Keith felt another tear slip from his eye, shaking his head.  

 

“No...no that’s not-” His voice came out weak and small, even to him.  

 

“You watched your friend from the Blade DIE in front of you and you were seconds from death yourself!  And instead of comforting you, instead of being there for you, they disregarded you, scolded you!  Tell me former Red Paladin, do they know that you tried to kill yourself?  Do they know that you tried to ram your ship into my force field?  Sure, you had the noble excuse of trying to break the shield, but I’ve seen your mind.  You were ready, to give your life, in a desperate attempt to save them, to save HIM even after they tossed you aside!  Get it through your head!  They don’t care about you any more than they care about galra sentries.  A nuisance, an annoying buzz in their ear,” Haggar spat and Keith let out a small sob, shaking for a new reason.  He threw his head back however when another pulse of pain ran through him, his back arching high as a scream ripped itself out of his lungs and through his throat.  The feeling like he was being melted came back, causing his eyes to roll back.  He felt like his own scream was ripping his vocal cords apart.  Then, the pain stopped and Keith doubled over as much as he could, panting heavily.  About four seconds after they had stopped his stomach heaved, emptying the little bit of contents in his stomach, bile coming up with it.  He let out another sob as he finished.  

 

“They don’t care about you, they don’t see your worth...but I do.  The pain, the hurt, the betrayal...everything can stop. All of this can stop,” Haggar said and Keith squeezed his eye shut.  He wanted for this to end so badly.  He was so tired...so tired of holding out and protecting them.  As much as the words hurt...she was  _ right _ .  They  _ had _ casted him out.  They had grown to despise him and distrust him.  And when he had tried to leave?  There had been not even one hint of anyone trying to stop him, no one had tried to comfort him.  He could feel his heart breaking all over again, just like when he had turned his back to the team after the group hug and walked away.  When Pidge tried to leave the team in the very beginning everyone had tried to stop her, had tried to convince her to stay.  And when Keith tried to leave?  Everyone had wished him farewell and waved goodbye.  They had gone back to their previous conversation and ignored him before he had even left the room.  

 

“Just tell me what I need to know.  Tell me their weak points, how we can bring Voltron down, and the Blade of Marmora.  We can make them pay, make them pay for their crimes, not just against the empire, but against you as well.  We can punish them...together.  You could be so much more than you are.  You’d be the empire's best pilot, someone of the highest value.  We wouldn’t let you go without a fight, we’d care for you,” she whispered into his ear and Keith swallowed hard.  

 

“C-Care for me?”  He whispered, voice hoarse.  The idea of being valued, respected.  The idea of someone actually caring for  _ him _ and not the mission.  The idea of anyone putting him first...Keith wouldn’t lie...it was so tempting.  The offer was like a siren’s song to a sailor.  

 

“We would train you more, teach you like a galra...you’d be close to royalty.  The Emperor himself once complimented you in battle.  Even  _ Zarkon _ thinks you have worth.  He wants to see what you could do with the proper training.  He thinks you’d be glorious….” she practically purred.  Keith’s breath hitched slightly, the idea of being worth something to someone, worthy enough to invest time in made him a little dizzy.  

 

“We could even tell you who your mother was,” She said and Keith turned his head a little to try and look at her, his resolve starting to crumble faster and faster.  He let out a sniffle, his emotions swirling uncertainly inside of him.  “And once you join us, once you jump ranks and conquer like the Galra you  _ are! _ ...you will pilot the Red Lion once again.  You will be the right hand man to  _ Zarkon _ .” SHe said and keith’s head dropped, not strong enough to hold it up anymore.  

 

“Pilot….the red lion…?”  He asked, barely audible.  Haggar moved away to his side.  

 

“Yes, you’d be THE Red Paladin, the ONLY Red Paladin.  Once we bring in the Alteans and the other paladins and the members of the Blades you will take your place in the cockpit, second to only Zarkon.   And we’ll kill the ones who casted you out, I’ll even let you kill Lance yourself.  Make him PAY for what he did, what he put you through.  Imagine hearing him wail in the agony you’ve suffered in silently all this time,” she said and the haze of temptation that had started to settle over Keith snapped, rag filling him.  He lunged at Haggar, straining against his bonds.  

 

“I will  _ NEVER _ help you hurt him!  Or any of them!  I won’t give you ANYTHING you old hag!  Voltron and the Blades are ten times stronger than you, and with me gone they’re even stronger!  You gain  **_nothing_ ** from me. You think you can seduce me to your side with idle promises?  I know how the Empire works.  The second I was of any burden I’d be killed or changed into some monster.  So why don’t you just go ahead and get it over with?” Keith snapped, expecting either death or agony again.  He didn’t care though, in reality, it was better that he took it all if it meant the team got none of it, if it meant that Lance never got it.  They’d probably never know, if anything they’d never notice that we never came back, they wouldn’t ask about him.  They wouldn’t look for him in video conferences with the blade...after all...they never did before.  They would never know and Keith was okay with that.  They didn’t need too.  To his surprise though, no pain came to him.  INstead, there was a deep chuckle.  Fear ran down Keith’s spine like a bucket of ice water.  

 

“I admire your dedication.  You are a true paladin, and your determination is something I wish all of my officers possessed.  I look forward to having you as my Red Paladin once I reclaim Voltron,” It was Zarkon’s voice, but when Keith looked around he couldn’t find the imposing figure he had once tried to take on himself- like an idiot-.  

 

“You’re looking forward to disappointment then,” Keith rasped out, chest heaving in an attempt to suck in more air.  He spat blood when a hard fist connected with his jaw.  There was a contemplative hum from wherever Zarkon was, he thought it was coming from the droid, but his vision wasn’t the best and his ears were ringing.

 

“You  _ will _ serve me, one way or another, anyone who can pilot two of the five lions, is worth something to me.  I’ll make you an offer now.  Join the Empire, and you and the Blue Paladin will remain on Voltron, alive and well, while the others are sent back to Earth, safely.  But you will serve me for the rest of your life,” zarkon said and Keith’s head spun, trying to wrap his head around the offer.  It couldn’t be real, there was a catch, there was no way Zarkon would spare them.  And there was no way that the others would ever agree...and even if Keith did help Zarkon...Voltron was strong as ever.  They’d see through Keith the second he opened his mouth.  And if some how the team was captured and sent to Earth...and Lance was with him...Lance would hate him.  He’d probably die before he even considered it.  Lance was stronger than Keith, so much stronger.  He had such a big heart, he had a family, he had friends that he was fighting for.  And Keith?  Keith had no one, and he was weak.  The least he could do was take what he knew to his grave. 

 

“I’ve betrayed them enough by leaving and letting them down, I won’t help you.  I’m the weakest link, if you can’t get me to bow…?  You won’t even be able to get your grubby paws on them, ESPECIALLY Lance.  Not even with your witch Honerva helping you,” Keith said, using Haggar’s real name and there was a loud screech/growl sound that came from the hooded figure, the room crackling with heat.  Keith saw nothing but what looked like black and blue lightening rushing towards him before he convulsed, letting out screams that didn’t sound even remotely human, his body seizing.  The pain from before felt like a paper cut to this.  He felt like his bones were shattering one by one, his skin blistering and burning as if he had been thrown into hell that second.  He could taste blood in his mouth and it felt like his gums were ripping.  He couldn’t hear anything at all though he could feel his ears stinging like a million bees had attacked them.  The last thing he remembered was his teeth falling out before everything went black, and the last thing he thought before he slipped into the cold embrace of what he could only assume was death?  ‘They won’t miss me.’  


	2. Placing Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lions are antsy abut something and take the paladins to some weird abandoned building on the outskirts of some system.They check for prisoners or survivors and come up empty, though they do find video diaries of some kind.

“Lance!  Get back in formation!”  Shiro yelled over the coms.  Lance furrowed his brow, trying to gain control back over the Red lion.  They were in the middle of training but Red wasn’t listening to him or responding, instead breaking away at a sprint.  

 

“I’m trying!  Red isn’t listening to me!”  Lance yelled back, letting out a startled screech as she jumped over Lotor’s ship.  

 

“What the quiznak?  I thought you knew how to control your lion!”  Lotor hissed and Lance rolled his eyes.  

 

“Shut up Ted Bundy,” Lance snapped, feeling concern rise up in him.  “Blue!  I mean-Red!  What are you doing girl?  Talk to me!” He tried, his voice pleading.  All he got was a mix of panic and enraged growls and noises inside of his head from her.  “Guy’s I think something is wrong-argh!” Lance held on tighter as Red took off without his permission.  “She’s not listening!  I think she’s trying to tell me something but I can’t understand...she’s freaking out!” Lance exclaimed, trying to take control of her again.  He felt a sharp stab in his mind though which caused him to wince.  Red was determined to get where she was going.  

 

“Wait...I can feel the Black lion, I think we should follow Red.  Something is up with the lions,” Shiro said.  

 

“Alright, but we should stay alert,” Allura said.  

 

“What about Lotor?” Hunk asked and Lance rolled his eyes.  

 

“If I was up to something wouldn't it be safer to bring me with you where you can take out the potential threat than alone in the castle with Coran?” Lotor chimed in and Lance could hear Pidges snort.  

 

“I’d rather just leave you on the nearest abandoned planet,” they said dryly.

 

“That’s enough, Lotor is our ally, we should let him try and prove himself,” Shiro said firmly and Lance rolled his eyes, a little overwhelmed by Red’s panic.  “It must be important if the lions are reacting so strongly, but keep yourself alert,” Shiro said.  

 

~.~.~.~.~

 

“Well...this was a bust,” Hunk said, crossing his arms as they walked through the seemingly abandoned facility.  The Black lion had opened it’s own worm hole, so whatever was going on had to be desperately urgent, so Lance didn’t understand why Red had tried to rip through an empty building, though he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck and the rest of his body standing on end.  There was something off about this place.  He felt like he was watching through a concentration camp, as if he scratched the walls the smell of blood would fill the air, as if he listened to closely they’d replay the sounds of some nightmare.  

 

“Maybe they smelled like some kind of Voltron catnip or something?  Is that a thing?  Voltron catnip?” Lance asked, looking around the group.  He knew it was stupid, but he’d rather try to hope for the brighter side rather than what he had a feeling it was.  He didn’t miss the hard look on Lotor’s face, and before Pidge could start lecturing him Allura spoke up.  

 

“I...I don’t like it here,” she said quietly and Hunk snorted.  

 

“Yeah I’m with Allura, we should leave.  This place gives me the creeps,” he grumbled, jumping at what sounded like metal settling.  

 

“No...I mean this place is thick with negative energy, something terrible happened in these walls,”  Allura said and Lance furrowed his brows, glad he wasn’t the only one feeling like that.

 

“What  _ is _ this anyway?  Is it some kind of base or prison?”  Pidge asked, looking around with narrowed eyes as if she glared hard enough the building would answer her, however it wasn’t the walls that did.  

 

“This is a lab, one huge testing site for the druids.  This one in particular is called lieuwmp,” Lotor said, his smooth voice oddly quiet.  Lance raised a brow at the word.  

 

“Lieuwmp?  What does that mean?”  Shiro asked and Lotor stopped, if Lance didn’t know better then he’d say Lotor looked remorseful.  

 

“Liewmp is the shortened version for Lab for Information Extraction using Whatever Means Possible,” he said and Lance felt the blood drain from his face, his stomach rolling at Lotor’s words.  They were in a torture house...and both Red and the black lion had brought them here…

 

His thoughts swirled so fast he couldn’t make sense of them, he just knew, deep down in his bones, KNEW they were here because- 

 

His body cut his mind off as his stomach lurched.  He ripped off his helmet, pretty much falling into a door as he bent over, emptying the contents of his stomach.  The others looked pretty horrified as well, faces pale.  Shiro took a shaky breath.

 

“Our lions brought us here for a reason, split up, search for anyone in the building.  Hunk, take Pidge and find the main room, download all of the data you can.  Lance, Allura you two take the right side, Lotor and I will take the left,” he said.  Lance stood up, looking at Shiro as he wiped his mouth with the back of his helmet.  

 

“Shiro why would Red-” Pidge started but she stopped when Shiro gave her a sharp look.  

 

“Let’s move...the faster we have the data and make sure no one is here the faster we can get answers,” Shiro said firmly.  Lance felt like he was going to vomit again.  He wasn’t sure he wanted answers if he was being honest.  

 

~.~.~.~.~.~

 

Hours later Lance sat in his seat, legs unable to hold him.  His tears made his vision blurry but they wouldn’t do them the favor of making him blind.  He could feel his heart shattering, and he would probably be able to hear it if the sounds of Keith’s screams and sobs weren’t echoing in his mind.  He wanted to run, to look away.  He wanted to run crying to his mama and hide his face in her comforting embrace and pretend none of this was real.  His body was frozen though, his mind and body not able to process so many such extreme emotions at once. It took five minutes for Pidge to throw up, ten minutes for Hunk to faint, fourteen minutes for Shiro to let his exterior fall, tears rolling down his cheeks.  It took eighteen minutes for Allura to fall into her seat, and twenty-one minutes for Coran to do what no one else could and turn it off.  There were still seven minutes left.  Lotor was quiet, face mostly passive though if you looked really hard you might catch a flicker of remorse.  Right, before Keith had left again on the mission he and Lotor had talked a few times, Keith had been the one that Lotor seemed most comfortable with.  

 

Lance just stared at the now blank screen, not breathing.  He felt like he was drowning, his lungs on fire.  The physical pain Keith had put up with...the sacrifice he really made...the way he thought about himself.  That was how  _ he _ had felt, he had told Keith that, had confided in him.  And then...Lance didn’t even realize when Keith had started to feel the exact same way, hadn’t realized that Keith was willing to give it up for HIM…

 

“I….I didn’t stop him,” he whispered.  He could have prevented this, prevented all of that, if he had just spoken up, if he had told Keith not to go, if he had been there more.  If he had been more understanding, if he hadn’t been so quick to anger...Keith wouldn’t have left for Marmora...he wouldn’t have been captured and tortured...none of that would have happened and Lance would have him with him, by his side.  He’d have his space ranger partner, his samurai...and he hadn’t.  He had let him walk out of the door because he had felt petty and selfish, because Keith didn’t care enough to be around any more, because Keith wasn’t reliable and was always moping around...Lance had let him walk away without so much as a peep of denial.  He had cried later, but that hadn’t brought Keith back, hadn’t saved him.  It was all his fault.  

He stood on shaky legs.  There was no way...no way he was still alive.  He couldn’t bring himself to say anything,his throat not allowing it.  He felt dread and horror clawing and tearing its way through his body, clutching onto his stomach like some parasite.  He didn’t realize he was stumbling.  No one called after him, they were to wrapped up in their own feelings.  No one called after him...just like no one had gone after Keith.  

 

Lance felt so stupid.  He should have seen the signs.  Keith had made other friends in Marmora, and he had watched them die first hand.  What kind of horrors had he watched with B.O.M? What trauma had he experienced and needed comfort for?  How many times had Keith gone to sleep thinking they hated him?  Thinking that he was useless...a burden.  How many times had  _ Lance _ made him feel like that?  

 

Guilt washed over him,leaning against the wall.  He felt like he was going to pass out.  How could he let Keith get into such a bad mental state?!  

 

**_You didn’t know, young cub._ **  Lance looked up in shock, seeing Blue in front of him.  His feet had taken him to her without him allowing them too.  Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked at her, feeling a wave of rejection mix with all the other emotions.  Blue had shut him out, had cast him away. He hadn’t heard her voice in his head in forever.  He sank to his knees, letting out a pained scream.  Why was everything going wrong?  Why had they joined some war that wasn’t even theirs to fight?  What were they thinking!?

 

**_Calm down cub._ **  Anger rose in Lance at that.  He looked up, tears streaming down his face, snot filling his nose.  

 

“Don’t tell me to calm down!  You don’t get to tell me anything!”  Lance yelled angrily at the Blue lion.  She stared, unblinking at him.  Those yellow eyes that he had always felt were so warm and welcoming and unjudging.  Now he just felt angry.  Another thing he had loved and gotten sick of him and rejected him.  “You-!  You blocked me out!  This is all your fault!  If-If you had just let me in then Red wouldn’t have called me!” he hiccuped, stumbling to his feet.  “Then Allura wouldn’t be your paladin!  When Shiro came back Keith would have gone back to Red!  He wouldn’t have left us!  This-this is all your fault Blue!” Lance screamed walking aggressively towards her only to be knocked back as her forcefield went up.  He fell on his butt, watching the forcefield go back down.  He balled his hands into fists.  

 

“Fuck you Blue!  I-I hate you!”  His chest was heaving, breathing ragged.  His cheeks were wet with tears and snot was running from his nose but he didn’t even care.  “If you had just let me in he would still be here!  He’d be safe and he’d be by my side and he’s not because of YOU!” He scrabbled up again, pounding on her forcefield as it rose up again.  “How could you!?  I was never meant to pilot red!  I don’t HAVE instincts!  I was supposed to be his support!  His right hand man!  I wasn’t there for him!  I wasn’t there I wasn’t there I wasn’t there!”  He was sobbing, kicking and screaming and punching at the forcefield and the mechanical lion.  His hands and feet burned from how hard he was hitting the force field.  His throat was raw from screaming but he didn’t care.  Did he really hurt?  Could he really call this pain compared to what Keith had gone through? What Lance had left him too?  After what felt like hours he couldn’t do it anymore, crumbling to the ground, leaning against the forcefield, hands on his face.  He was hyperventilating, body shaking as if he had been thrown into a blizzard in nothing but his underwear.  He barely registered the sound of the forcefield dropping as he sobbed at Blue’s feet like a child.  That’s what he was though.  He was just a kid.  He didn’t belong in a war, none of them did.  None of them belonged out here.  They were just a bunch of kids given weapons and armor and given a title.  Lance had taken classes on stars and how they worked, on how to fly jets and spaceships.  He knew the fundamentals and could tell you the exact trajectory, force and fuel it would take to get you into space the easiest way possible.  He had taken classes on sex ed, had taken classes on how to perform cpr, emergency medical aid and how to respond on rescue missions.  He knew all of that.  But he had never taken a class on what to do, on how to deal with your close friend, the guy you’ve had a crush on for years...being tortured and probably killed because he hadn’t made him feel like he was worth it.  

 

**_No one could have known this would happen_ ** .  He let out a small hiccup.  

 

“I should have known though...If I had said said said s-something...he wouldn’t have left…” he trailed off, struggling to take in air.  

 

**_Distance from him has made your heart grow fonder of him._ **

 

“Dis-distance is the reason he was captured,” Lance mumbled softly, wiping at his eyes to look up at her.  “It’s all my fault…” he trailed off.  

 

**_It is not one person's fault cub.  Go to Red, she needs your comfort.  Go assure her you’ll help her get her cub back._ **   Lance swallowed thickly, looking up at Blue.  

 

“Keith is her cub...does that mean Allura is yours?  Tht means...I’m not...I don’t..” He flinched a little when he saw Blue actually move, bending her neck down.  She pressed very gently against his chest with her nose.  

 

**_Just because you pilot Red for now does not mean you’re not my cub.  You love her cub, nearly as much as she does.  Go tell her you’ll find him.  I know you can.  Now is the time to grow up Lance.  You may pilot Red but at heart you will always be a leg of Voltron.  You glue the team together, you lift them up.  You keep everyone’s head clear.  You don’t have to pilot the Black lion to act like a leader.  Let Shiro lead them in battle, you can guide their emotions.  I chose you because your soul is like water.  Always changing, shifting and bending how it needs too so it can accommodate others.  You keep them steady, soothe them.  You can mold to the situation as need be.  That’s why I knew you could pilot Red, that’s why I knew you would do it.  I’ve never been more proud of you Lance.  In your heart you’re my paladin, and that means you will be what your team needs.  Right now they need glue, they need a clear mind.  Guide them and inspire them.  When the day comes that their need is you in my pilot chair, I’ll be the one to pull you from Red’s hangar myself._ **

 

Lance sniffled, starting to cry again. He hugged her as best as he could, feeling her purrs in his head.  He hadn’t felt so sure of himself in a long time.  Blue hadn’t rejected him, hadn’t gotten tired of him.  She still loved him, she was proud of him.  And she believed they could get Keith back.  He was going to get Keith back.  He didn’t care if he went down with it, or if he had to take Keith’s place.  As long as Keith was rescued, and he knew how much he was loved.  

 

“I love you Blue,” Lance whispered.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IT HURRRRRRRRRRTTSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 
> 
> Anywho here ya go second chapter. Tell me what you thought down below! Kudos are welcome :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a mess but here ya go

Keith stared at his reflection, unable to look away.  He was about two feet taller, his hair was completely white, with the exception of a few strands of black in there and even purple. Ears that looked like a cats, like a galra.  He had a scar from where his face had been split open, his left eye yellow and pupiless, the middle a foggy white where it had been cut. He could see out of it, but it was hard to focus on anything unless he turned his head certain ways.  His right eye was more or less the same as it had been, the iris being a bit more slanted. His hands and feet were bigger than before, again, it reminded him of a cat. His shoulders and chest were broader, muscles filled in like they hadn’t been before he was captured.  He had been fit and tone sure, but he had been malnourished according to galra standards. And if there was anything other than torture that Haggar had made a point to give attention to, it was his food. She wanted to keep him ‘healthy and growing’ so when he finally turned over to their side he was an asset.  He was also covered head to toe in splotches of pale purple, some spots bigger than others. It looked like the purple was bleeding and blending into his skin, and he wondered if it would get any worse, if it would spread until he was completely purple. 

 

He blinked a little, trying to focus past his reflection.  Where was he? Was this his new cell? No….this...this was familiar.  But from where? Where did he know this from? He felt cold, really cold.  A new form of torture? Something was ticking. Ticking...a bomb? A timer...he sucked in a deep breath and jumped when whatever was in front of him seemed to melt away and suddenly he was stumbling forward.  He caught himself and looked around. He knew this place...was he dreaming? He looked down at himself and frowned. Large, clawed hands rested at the end of his arms. That wasn’t that new though. However he was in a white suit...a suit for the cryo pods...in the Castle of Lions.  How did he get here? 

 

_ He was in the middle of transportation when sirens sounded, the guards being sent into a panic as the facility shook.  Keith looked up. They were under attack. Now was his chance. He moved quickly, dislocating his shoulders and arms as he brought them from behind his back.  It hurt, but it was nothing compared to what he had felt for the past seven months. The guards escorting him turned to him, calling out in alarm but it was to late.  Keith snapped the bracelets and popped his shoulders back into place, bringing a clawed hand down hard and tearing through the sentry's skull. He let out an inhuman snarl, using the body to smash the other one and then he was running.  He found a sword along the way and cut through anyone in his way until he was joined by another prisoner. No. A galra, a half breed with silver hair who also held a sword. Lotor. Lotor was there, helping him escape. There was fire everywhere, screaming, an incredible pain through his stomach and then Lotor and he were on the ship and flying away.  Keith had passed out from blood loss- _

 

Keith’s eyes widened and he looked down, bringing a hand to his stomach.  He had been run through with a spear but...he didn’t feel any pain. Someone took a breath behind him and a chair scraped.  Keith’s ars flicked back and Keith spun, lifting his clawed hand, ready to attack a threat when someone caught his wrist. 

 

“Easy Keith...the pods repaired everything but you’ll be sore for a few days,” Lotor said and Keith blinked.  He was taller now, but the Prince still had a couple inches over Keith. Keith sucked in a deep breath. 

 

“Is this...is this some trick?” Keith asked and Lotor shook his head.  

 

“No...It’s not.  You’ve been out for a week, only Coran and I have been in the castle along with a few B.O.M. members.  Come, I’m sure you want to see a familiar face and get some food before you’re filled in,” lotor said and Keiths head spun.

 

“I don’t...what..what happened?” He asked and Lotor pulled his hand away from Keith, taking a deep breath.  

 

“Coran and I were working on a rather easy task while the team tries to smooth over diplomatic solutions.  When the coalition found out that the original red paladin had been captured and had been replaced a lot of people threatened to pull out of the coalition.  The paladins had been trying to persuade them otherwise. They left the Red lion here since it’s been causing others to be so tense. All was going smooth here for Coran and I until the Red Lion started tearing apart the hanger and trying to leave.  I followed her in my ship and we found the facility you were at. I broke you out and you passed out from your injuries,” Lotor said and Keith sucked in a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he believed all of this. Then he brought his hands up, claws pulling at the fabric.  

 

“Help me get this off,” he muttered and Lotor blinked, taking a step back and putting his hands up.  

 

“Listen I know you’re grateful but really you don’t have too-” He started but Keith cut him off with a growl.  

 

“Help.  Me.” he snapped and Lotor sighed, both of them working carefully with sharp claws and nails.   When it came free keith wiggled it off his torso, checking himself over for the scars. He frowned a little, not sure if he was seeing correctly. He looked back at Lotor.  

 

“This is going to sound crazy, but I need you to shoot me,” Keith said with a straight face and Lotor merely raised a brow.  

 

“You want me to shoot you?” he asked. 

 

“Yes,” 

 

“With a gun,” 

 

“Yes,” 

 

“You want me to shoot you with a gun,” 

 

“I want to know what the hell else you’d shoot me with,” 

 

“The younger paladins have introduced me to saliva balls that they shoot through straws at someone to show affection to someone,” 

 

“You’re an idiot, that’s not true,” Keith said blankly and Lotor furrowed his brows, clenching his fists a little as he looked away.  

 

“I knew it…” he whispered before looking back at Keith.  “Why do I need to shoot you?” He asked, crossing his arms skeptically. 

 

“Because this could be a simulation.  Haggar has tried it a few times. Shoot me somewhere where it would be lethal so I know, because this can’t be real,” Keith said and Lotor hummed, ‘tsking’ softly and looking at Keith with pity.

 

“The witch has done terrible things to your mind Keith, wake up with more trust,” Lotor said and before Keith could snap a retort Lotor’s gun was out and being fired.  Keith stumbled, eyes wide as he felt the shot hit him, his skin burning and a silent grunt left him. He gasped for air and then he saw Lotor step forward and swing. Keith hit the ground, black surrounding him.  

  
  


_!-!-!

 

Keith blinked as he stumbled out of the healing pod once more, jaw slack as he took in his surroundings.  He...He was in the castle of Lions. He was...he was free. He felt like crying, taking in the room. 

 

“Satisfied now?” A voice asked and Keith turned around, seeing Lotor.  

 

“I’m...I’m free,” Keith said dumbly and Lotor nodded, stepping forward.  

 

“Indeed.  Come on, we need to get some food in you,” he said and Keith sucked in a deep breath before nodding, following the exiled Prince slowly as they left the medical bay.  Keith was trying to take everything in, still not really grasping the fact he was free. He had expected to die during a torture session or be turned into a monster. Well, he supposed the later had happened already. 

 

Lotor ended up lending him some clothes since Keith didn’t have any of his old clothes, and well.  None of them would fit. Although the clothes he was lended were close to his old ones, a black shirt that was surprisingly soft, though it was a bit loose on him since Lotor was still bigger than him.  His collar bones were visible, scars disappearing under the fabric. The pants were more like leggings though and he was glad they weren’t to rough on his skin. 

 

When he was dressed he let Lotor lead him to the dinning hall, though Keith knew exactly where it was.  He felt like he was in a daze, dragging his hand gently over the walls. He knew this was real, otherwise he would have woken to an angry Hagar. Still, he couldn’t quite grasp everything, he thought he’d never see this again. 

 

Halfway through his meal-not food goo but what was being served to the galra on the ship-the door opened and Keith saw orange hair a mustache.  He sucked in a deep breath, his body tensing as Coran walked forward, eyes focused on the screen he was carrying. 

 

“We’re all done here Coran, we’re heading home now,” It was Shiro’s voice.  

 

“Alright, try to get home quickly, there’s something you all need to -” Coran was saying but he stopped when Lotor cleared his throat.  Coran looked up with a frown before his eyes widened and his jaw dropped, staring at Keith. The galra halfbreed sucked in a deep breath, terrified of Corans reaction to him.  

 

“Coran?  Coran is everything alright?”  Shiro’s voice asked and Coran swallowed thickly.  

 

“Yeah-everything is just dandy….” he said before closing the transmission, dropping the screen.  Keith let out a yelp when the orange haired man was suddenly over him, hugging him tightly and making small sounds like he was trying to keep in sobs and sniffles.  He was babbling something in altean but Keith caught onto the general meaning, ‘i’m so glad you’re safe, we missed you so much’. Keith’s ears flattened awkwardly, very slowly hugging him back and patting his back.  Coran pulled back after a minute, hands on Keiths shoulders. 

 

“Just...look at you!” Coran said and Keith flinched, looking away.  He knew he didn’t look like himself, he sure as hell didn’t  _ feel _ like himself.

 

“Yeah...I was uh...I wanted to talk to you about that...if it’s not too much trouble…” Keith said quietly and Coran shook his head quickly.  

 

“Of course it isn’t!  Anything you want, it’s not too much trouble,” Coran assured him, a massive smile on his face.  Keith had to admit, he had missed the man dearly. Though despite his very best efforts, some of the things Haggar had done to him and said...well.  After a while it was hard not to believe. He hadn’t thought that Voltron was looking for him. He hadn’t thought they even knew or cared. But they  _ had _ been looking for him.  And while his brain was still really confused and jumbled and he knew that just because he was free it didn’t mean the pain was over; he knew that at least Coran would be there for him, and maybe Lotor.  

 

“Do you think it’s possible to change me back?  To reverse the effects of what Haggar did?” He asked and Corans brow furrowed, bringing a hand to his chin as he thought.  

 

“Hmm...I’m not quite sure.  Though I can give it my best try.  I can tell you it will probably take some time though,” he said honestly before looking back up at Keith.  “But if I can’t, just because you look different Keith doesn’t mean you are any different. You’re still a part of the team you know...we really did miss you,” Coran said and Keith’s ears flicked back out of embarrassment.  

 

“Thanks Coran...I uhm...does the team know that I’m here?”  Keith asked quietly and Coran shook his head. 

 

“If we had told them they would have dropped everything, at least Lance would have.  And you were in the healing pod anyway,” Lotor explained and Keith slowly nodded. 

 

“I...I’m going to go see Red,” He said and Lotor stood to accompany him.  “Alone, if you two don’t mind,” he added quietly and the altean and exiled prince looked at each other for a moment before looking at Keith.  Coran nodded, patting Keith’s shoulder. 

 

“Of course, take as much time as you need, then get some rest.  You know where your old room is...we made sure not to move anything of yours,” Coran said and Keith nodded awkwardly before turning and leaving the room.  

 

This was strange to him.  He had seen countless movies where someone was rescued or escaped and returned to their friends and family, but it was always cheerful and everyone was happy and the person who had returned felt safe and overjoyed and their chest was warm and fuzzy and yet?  Keith didn’t feel any of that. He wasn’t excited to see the other paladins. He wasn’t. He wasn’t excited to be in the castle of lions. He wasn’t looking forward to facing all of them after months of having his mind corrupted. They hadn’t wanted him before, now, with as damaged as he was...why would they want him now?  

 

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts as he wandered through the halls until he came to Red’s hanger, taking in a deep breath.  How would she react? He had shoved his connection with her out of his mind as much as possible when he was Haggars prisoner. Would she try to attack him?  Put up her shields? He licked his lips nervously. Would she even recognize him? He stood there for a few minutes, trying to build himself up. He reached out tentatively with his mind, searching for her.  He could feel a presence, distant and deeply barricaded in his mind. That had been the only way he had been able to keep her safe, put her in a place he couldn’t access her. Now though, he strained against her, and he felt a very small flicker of a flame inside of him.  His eyes opened and he let out a small gasp, his mind torn. Should he go forth? Was it  _ really _ safe?  He swallowed, taking another breath before he turned and walked away.  

 

She was Lances lion now. She wouldn’t want him, she didn’t- an ear splitting roar rang out and Keith flinched, baring his teeth and bristling as he spun.  What was-another roar rang out and the sound of heavy metal moving came from the hanger. Keith could feel the barricades in his mind melting. Another roar was what got him to move, and he sprinted forward, legs moving on impulse.  He threw the hangar doors open, seeing Red not sitting, but standing, tail lashing as she stared down at him. His jaw dropped, unable to tear his gaze away from her eyes. 

 

“I’m...I’m not your paladin anymore Red!” Keith cried out and the lion let out a thunderous roar.  Keith felt like he couldn’t breathe, his head pounding as she tore through the walls he had cemented.  He dropped to his knees, trying to resist her but it was a weak attempt. He couldn’t...he didn’t deserve it-

 

**Welcome home, cub.**

 

!~!~!~@

 

Lance pulled his helmet off, walking out of Hunks hangar and heading towards Red’s.  She had been going crazy in his mind the entire mission and he was eager to check up on her.  They had a briefing in a few hours, after dinner about their next move on finding Keith. Just before he entered Red’s hangar he heard Corans voice over the castle intercoms.  

 

“Can everyone come to the medical bay?  It’s important,” Coran said and Lance frowned a bit, looking behind towards the way he came, then at Reds, before sighing heavily.  

 

“I’ll be back Red,” he called before turning away from the hangar and heading towards the medical bay.  Whatever it was it had better be important because Lance had had a long mission, very little sleep, and he wanted to check on Red before taking a long nap.  

 

He made his way towards the medical bay, meeting up with Hunk who was carrying a small bucket of cloths and cleaning supplies.  Lance licked his lips a little. His best friend had taken to polishing Keith’s paladin armor every now and then. He would do it, sad but with a little bit of hope in his eyes.  Whenever he was asked Hunk would chuckle awkwardly and sniff a little bit, saying something along the lines of “I thought I’d keep it clean...you know just in case,” before continuing to polish the armor.  

 

Lance bit his lip, crossing his arms as they walked.  “Do you know why Coran wants us in the medical bay?” Lance asked and Hunk shrugged a little.

 

“Nah, my best guess is he has a case of the slipperies again,” Hunk said and Lance couldn’t help but to chuckle a little.  

 

“Dios Mios, maybe we could roll him around the training deck and use it as an ice rink or something,” Lance joked and Hunk snorted, shaking his head.    

 

“That sounds gross...I would do it,” the Yellow Paladin said and Lance laughed a little.  When they had first found out about Keith’s capture, Lance had gone the first two months not allowing himself to joke or laugh or feel anything other than sadness and anger.  He thought that that was what he was supposed to do. He hardly bonded with any of the team and had become reclusive. Granted, everyone on the ship had at first. But Lance and Shiro had lasted longer than anyone.  Lance was slowly starting to let himself lighten up though. He was still devastated by the loss and very dedicated to finding Keith, but he had come to the realization that drowning himself in his own hatred wouldn’t help Keith and if he continued on the path he was on then when he found Keith he wouldn’t be able to give the red paladin the support he’d need. 

 

So, slowly but surely Lance had started to come out of his shell again, prodding the others and pretty much forcing them to come from their hiding places to play a game, even if no ones heart was fully into it.  Lance had also spent a crap ton of time training, his bayard had turned into an altean broadsword. He really wasn’t sure what to do at first but almost instinctively, his mind had flashed to images of Keith that had been burned in his mind.  He had trusted his gut at first, doing his best to imitate Keith. He had gotten through the round but knew he needed to practice. He wanted to be able to show off and impress his rival when they found him. 

 

Lance raised a brow a little when they turned the corner, seeing Allura, Shiro and Pidge standing in front of the doors, facing Coran and Lotor.  Lance frowned a little, walking up to them. 

 

“What’s going on?” he asked and Coran clasped his gloved hands together apprehensively, taking in a deep breath.  

 

“We have some news, and we want you to keep your reactions to a minimum if possible,” Coran said and Shiro crossed his arms.

 

“What do you mean?   Coran what’s going on?”  Shiro asked and Coran and Lotor shared a look.  

 

“We...We found Keith,” he said and Lance felt his lungs collapse, “He’s been out of the healing pods for only about a day.  He’s very jumpy, very shy and very nervous. He’s not comfortable around me, and he’s expressed his concern with seeing any of you,” Coran said and Lance felt like he had been run through with his bayard.  Keith didn’t want to see them? Keith was safe? 

 

“Wait what?  That can’t be right, why doesn’t he want to see us?” Pige asked, clenching her fists.  Lance was glad she had said something because he knew damn well he wasn’t able to currently.  

 

“Keith….has changed.  He spent about 8...what you call  _ ‘months’ _ I believe, in captivity with a cruel witch.  His mind is still scrambled and his body is changed.  He doesn’t  _ look _ like your Keith, and he probably won’t act like him for a while longer,” Lotor said.  Lance furrowed his brows. How much could he have changed? Was he half robot now? 

 

“So...he’s crazy?” Hunk asked, trying to confirm what they were being told.     
  


“No, he’s not  _ crazy _ but he can’t handle all of you for extended amounts of time.  He agreed he’d see you all for a few moments to say hello but only if it’s brief,” Coran said.  

 

“Remember, no loud noises, no sudden movements, don’t crowd him and whatever you do, don’t stare or comment on his appearance,” Lotor said and Shiro rolled his eyes a little.  

 

“Alright.  We’ve got it.  Now let us see him,” Shiro said and Lance glanced at Shiro.  Was he the only one having a mini panic attack here? Was Keith really right behind that door? He wasn’t sure if he was ready to face Keith.  How different did he look? Did he still think he was worthless? Did he still  _ love _ Lance?  Because Lance was 99% sure he still loved Keith.  He had always been interested in Keith, always had a flicker in his heart for the mullet wearing Asian.  Though over time as they got closer he had felt it grow, especially when Keith had become the Black Paladin.  His feelings hadn’t dulled over time. When Keith left on the mission for the BOM Lance’s heart had ached at the thought of him leaving.  It had hurt but Lance had refused to stand in the way of what he thought was what Keith wanted. He wouldn’t be selfish. Now though? He didn’t care.  He’d be the most selfish person in the universe, in all of the different universes and different realities. 

He waited with baited breath as Coran sighed but nodded and turned, opening the medical bay doors.  Despite their eagerness to see their lost teammate, no one took a step forward, as if suddenly realizing the different possibilities that laid in the room before them.  Lance bit his lip, finding that it was a miracle that his own knees didn’t clack together. It was a good minute before Lance felt Blue in his head, felt her reassuring purr.  It was joined by Red’s a moment later. He felt courage run through him and he sucked in a sharp breath before he took a shaky breath and stepped forward, into the room. His eyes refocused in the different light, his gaze locking on the only other figure in the room.  He walked forward, his nerves attacking him as he got closer. The former red paladin seemed to notice his presence and turned to face him. Lances breath left him and his courage fled, falling to his knees in front of the person his heart had ached over. He gaped like a fish for a few seconds, looking up at him in wonder.  He was hallucinating. This was just a dream. It had to be. The person staring at him, he wasn’t  _ really _ there.  He couldn’t be.  

 

“Lance…” the person said quietly, a little awkward and nervous.  Lance swallowed hard. 

 

“K-Keith…” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blllegh this was all over the place but voila. I'm probably going to move this to five or six chapters btw. ANyway....lemme know what you think??? Pls? (gimme validation please)


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